


Silence can be one of the scariest sounds

by Vervainqueen7



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Branding, Cutting, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, My First Fanfic, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 14:30:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4482881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vervainqueen7/pseuds/Vervainqueen7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Clarke leaves , how she deals with her pain. Fair warning that self harm is in this fic. Octavia seems mean, but she does not get it yet. The is my first fic so I suck at summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic ever, like I've read fic, but never written so I am trying it out please be kind.

Silence can be one of the scariest sounds, because it allows for too much thinking. Clarke never thought she would miss the hum of the ark, or the constant chatter of teenagers. As her feet carry her deeper into the woods, her heart feels heavier and heavier. She reflects on all she has done for survival. The incredible weight inside of her is filled with a horrible sense of emptiness. As the darkness of night creeps upon her she laments of a way to just feel something. A way to represent her pain, she remembers the grounder custom of marking the skin to reflect each kill. She would be covered, she would drown in them, but maybe that exactly what she needs.  
The dull blade saws back and forth, she makes twenty cuts that night, until she is exhausted and closes her eyes. That when the nightmares start. She can see all of their faces, asking why they had to die. Tondc and the Mountain men plague her. She jolts awake and resolves to sleep as little as possible. She reminds herself that she deserves this pain. She needs it. The cycle of walking, settling for the night, and cutting or burning her pain into her flesh continues. She drinks water, but rarely eats. She is a monster and she deserves this punishment.  
The first morning she wakes up to see Wells she smiles. Wells looks at her with a sad smile. “What are you doing Clarke? Do you really think this is helping you or the ones who love you?” Wells always knew when to call Clarke on her bullshit. Clarke just smiles and a single tear slide down her cheek. The pangs in her heart for the hallucination of her best friend breaking her resolve to be stoic. She wishes with all her heart that he could hug her for real. The weeks of loneliness and the need for human touch assailing her senses. She allows herself to talk to her best friend as if he were really with her. Wells convinces her to find some food since she is wasting away into nothing, but he can’t stop her from the branding of her sins on her body. They are her way of absolution, so her guilt is visible to all.  
Wells becomes her constant companion; he is there when she wakes up each morning, and when she closes her eyes each night. He tells her to head back towards Camp Jaha the weather is getting too cold. “You have been out her for months Clarke; it’s getting to cold for you to survive.” She agrees to turn back, but won’t enter Camp Jaha until the marks are complete. They cover her arms, legs stomach, basically anywhere she can reach. Clarke knows that she is strong, because she has had to make hard decisions and kept people alive, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t allowed to hurt. She has always kept her feelings in check, never letting people too close to notice how much pain she has been in. She always thinks of the others, she isn’t allowed to think of herself. The markings are for her, they may not make sense to anyone else, but she needs them.  
She is a day away from Camp Jaha, when she camps for the night. The urge to make a mark for Maya, becoming so strong that she absolves to wear Maya on her face forever. Whenever she sees her reflection she will think of Maya, and all she did for them. The bite of the hot metal from her knife on her face last for a mere moment. The blade so hot from the fire she won’t feel the pain till much later. She passes into the dream world right after.  
The sun’s rays have barely reached mid day when she sees the gates of Camp Jaha. She hasn’t seen it in seven months and is astounded by the progress they have made. Permanent dwellings have risen around the shells of the Ark. A shout from the guards alert her to having been spotted, she calmly walks up to the Gate and waits for it to open. Octavia strides out and looks Clarke over from head to toe. A silence presses in upon them. Octavia hauls her arm back and punches Clarke on the unblemished side of her face. Clarke is strong, and can take a hit, but her frame has diminished from her months away and she stumbles to the ground. Octavia turns on her heels and walk back thru the open gates. Clarke picks herself up and walks thru them and thinks to herself Welcome Home.


	2. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy has dealt with a lot, if only Clarke would come back,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of my first time trying to write fanfic. Im not very good, but hey I love this fandom so why not. Thanks for comments, kudos, Im not that good so they make me feel pretty good. This is a little chapter on Bellamy so enjoy. Im still laying the ground work for the next chapter, which is intense guys.

Blood, dirt, and water are the three constants in Bellamy Blake's life. The need to be in control of situations weighs upon his soul. It’s the only way he can protect the ones he cares about so fiercely. The last seven months without Clarke have been a constant struggle. He needs her, not because he can’t go on without her just that it so painful he almost can’t bear it. He has been the glue that held the original 100, and the newcomers form the Ark together. He has worked to establish homes for everyone, and tried to be friendlier with the Grounders. The need to sleep almost overpowers his sense, but he keeps on going over matters with the council. Everyday seems as empty as the next, but he has to take care of them. He promised her.  
The dull matters of crops and food figures are the topic at hand, but he can’t seem to find the energy to care at the moment. He hopes to find Octavia after the meeting’s today and go hunting if he can sneak away. Blake bonding time is the only thing that has kept him sane. The siblings never talk much, but the presence of each other is calming in a way. Kane is droning on and on about corn, when Harper bursts into the meeting. Harper forever changes Bellamy with two words, “She’s back.”  
Bellamy’s heart starts to race, and he is frozen in place for a moment. The whole council hall is in shock for a moment. Bellamy bolts from his seat and charges toward the front gate. Clarke is here, Clarke is home he thinks to his himself until he draws up short. Octavia is walking towards him shaking her hand and wiping off blood. That site isn’t enough to cause him to pause, it’s the utterly wrecked look on her face, and before he can ask her what’s wrong Octavia blurts out, “She’s Back Bell, but something is wrong with her.” Octavia, the girl under the floor who is so strong in this New World has silent tears streaming down her face. If tough pokerfaced Octavia is brought to tears how bad can it be?  
Bellamy slings an arm around Octavia, and turns her with him towards the gate. He has a feeling that they will need each other for what he is about to see.


	3. They Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's View of Bellamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Clarke's perspective first Bellamy's soon to follow, sorry guys Im a dummy and decided to take session classes over the summer.... I regret it ... Sleep deprived but the show must go on..

Octavia’s welcome home punch doesn’t faze Clarke too much. The punch was more of a welcome home than she expected to receive. She had killed men, women, and children. She expected to be shunned or forgotten. Octavia’s hatred at least proved that she still cared. The saying there is a thin line between love and hate comes to mind. The opposite of love isn’t hate, its indifference. Clarke gets up and dusts herself off. The one person that she desperately wants to see, and yet fears to see isn’t around yet. She starts to worry that he didn’t come to see her. He knows she is at the gate by now, but he doesn’t care to see her. The doubts start a slow creep in her mind until she sees him.

Bellamy and Octavia arm in arm walking toward her. Octavia shrugs out her brother’s embrace and stops. She knows that this moment is for them alone.   
Clarke really looks at Bellamy; he seems to be well fed, no bruises, scrapes, or cuts that she can see. His hair is just as lively as she remembered; even when he was being an ass he had the best hair. The look on his face is new. He is looking at her like she is a wild animal about to go into either fight or flight mode. His eyes are his soul and right now he is shut off from her. She can’t really get a grasp on what he is thinking, or trying to say with them.  
Upon reflection Clarke thinks the first thing to say to him shouldn’t have been, “Hi.” He looks angry now, and she can’t bear that look in his eye. She looks down at her boots, and kicks at the ground. She expected anger, but it is a hard pill to swallow. Then she feels a hand on her face lifting her chin up. He is the first person to touch her in so long. She didn’t realize how starved for the touch she was. She tries to avoid his eyes, but they will always call her to meet them. He looks so sad now; and see feels the need deep in her gut to fix that sadness.

Bellamy then asks her one question, while lightly stroking her face, “Why?”

Clarke ignores the question and gazing into his eyes says, “That one is for Maya.”


	4. The Meet Again Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy's Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope to have a couple chapters posted next week guys .. I know this are short but they work the best with my schedule

When Octavia told Bellamy something was wrong with Clarke, he thought she has to be thin, maybe injured, but seeing her is a different story. The air is starting to hold a cold crisp atmosphere, as a precursor to winter. The coldness seems to seep into his bones when he sees what Clarke has done to herself. The cuts and brands cover every inch of her extremely thin body. She has always been a fighter, but this Clarke looks like utter defeat. She mutters a simple, “Hi”; her voice is even raspier than he remembers. The fact that Clarke’s first word is so simple, so insignificant angers him, but when he looks down at her feet his heart breaks ever more. The overwhelming need to touch her, to make sure that this is really Clarke overtakes him. 

Bellamy curls her hand under her chin, and lifts her face. He needs to see her eyes. Clarke’s eyes are the way into that head of her. He has dreamed of those eyes, and can’t bear form her to hide them from him. Sadness almost consumes him now, because she is so lost. The need to stroke the brand carved into her beautiful face overtakes him, and he shatters the moment by speaking.

Bellamy needs to know why? 

Her reply kills him. In true Clarke fashion she doesn’t answer him directly. She just states, “That one is for Maya.” Bellamy exhales like the weight of the world was just placed upon his shoulders. Clarke needs help, but at least she is home. They can fix this. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> I know where I want to take this, but Im not sure if anyone will want to read this so ya let me know if you want more.


End file.
